SUBMITTING TO GOD’S AUTHORITY IN THE HOME

In this blog post we come to the section of verses in Colossians in which Paul shares God’s will for the Christian concerning the structure of authority in the family.  It is a concept that only Christian families can truly understand and more willingly embrace when each member of the family understands God’s heart and submits as unto Him. 

Colossians 3:18 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.

Our culture and society has certainly made this directive distasteful to most women today.  Submission is understood as weakness and as designating inferiority.  That is not God’s intention.  We must always remember that every command and instruction that God has given us is for our good.  Because in general men have rebelled from their responsibilities before God and women have asserted their “equality” in every area, this aspect of God’s ordained structure for the family has basically been ignored—the implication being that we know better than God what is good for us.  The thing to remember is that Paul is writing to believers, those who should be embracing God’s will for their lives.  I can’t help but be curious as to why this verse was inspired to precede the following verse.  It is much easier for wives to understand and accept submission in light of God’s command to the husbands.  The sobering truth is that this distinction is a result of the curse for sin.

Genesis 3:16 Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.

It’s not the relationship God established with the creation; it’s a relationship that became necessary because of our rebellion.  The most important motivation for every Christian wife is to remember that we are submitting to the Lord in submitting to our husbands.  I liked a quote from Warren Wiersbe I found in David Guzik’s commentary:  “The idea of submission doesn't have anything to do with someone being smarter or better or more talented. It has to do with a God-appointed order. "Anyone who has served in the armed forces knows that 'rank' has to do with order and authority, not with value or ability."

Colossians 3:19 Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

In my opinion, husbands are given the much harder command.  They are to love their wives unconditionally and not act bitterly toward them.  According to Webster, to act bitterly is to cause physical pain or to cause pain or distress to the mind.  He also defines it as actions that are severe, cruel, harsh, or stern.  As you can see, this directive applies to both “words and deeds” as referenced in verse 17.  When a Christian husband is obedient to this instruction from the Lord, it will not be hard for the wife to be submissive.  His actions will demonstrate that he is always watching out for her well being because he is being submissive to the Lord.

This brings up another important point in my thinking regarding being sure that you do not get unequally yoked to an unbeliever.  If a Christian woman puts herself in that position, she is just asking for trouble.  1Peter makes it clear that you are to be submissive to the unbelieving husband in hopes of winning him to faith by your example.

1Peter 3:1-2 Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives; While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.

Colossians 3:20 Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord.

Paul now directs his instruction to the children.  In each case—wife, husband, child—I think Paul is singling out the most important instruction for each for creating a happy home that honors the Lord.  The hardest thing for a child to do is obey.  The instruction is that they obey all of the time—not just part of the time.  Again, if their parents are themselves submissive and obedient to the Lord, an environment is created that makes this instruction easier to follow; it does not, however, ensure compliance.  Until a child comes to saving faith and in possession of the Holy Spirit, he most naturally follows the desires of his flesh.  He has to be taught what is good and right.  He has to be taught about the Lord and the things that please the Lord.  I would assume that Paul is directing his comments to children that have proclaimed their faith in Jesus and have a desire to please Him, since that is the motivation that he attaches to the directive.

Colossians 3:21 Fathers, provoke not your children to anger, lest they be discouraged.

It’s interesting to note that the next directive is to Fathers—not mothers or parents.  As the established authority in the home, the Father is held accountable for the disciplinary structure in the home.  It doesn’t mean that he works independently of the mother; in fact, a wise father work hand-in-hand with his “helpmeet” to ensure the proper environment and in establishing the disciplinary guidelines for the family.  The mother is always the designated authority over the child in the absence of the Father, and the children must understand that she has his full support.  It’s easy for one in authority to abuse that authority—especially in a parent-child relationship.  The father is wise that guides his children with a firm, but loving hand.  He is clear in his expectations and in the consequences for not adhering to those expectations.  Children may not like it, but they understand and appreciate consistent, protective parameters.  Fathers who aren’t consistent in their actions and are unclear in making their expectations understood only provoke anger in their children with their responses.  They will get discouraged because they will never be sure of how to please you.

If we want our children to grow in spiritual maturity and learn to be submissive and obedient to the Lord, we need to ensure that they see fathers and mothers who are submissive and obedient to the Lord.


(to be continued...)